It is nice to be in the company of tolerable people. For several months now, my only company was Haku-chan's pitiful Guard Dog, The Worms in the Ground, The Hallowed I woke up amongst... And Him. And the OTHER Him. Almost makes one forget that you were dead just two weeks earlier. Memory is a strange, strange thing. So easily manipulated and fooled. You know that thing the Police used to do where the lined suspects up against a wall? You want to know why it usually did not work? The idiot witnesses always assumed that the Criminal they witnessed must be amongst the crowd of look-a-likes. So they pick the one that looks most like their memory. And their memory suddenly gets "Clearer" once they pick. I do not think I have to tell you why. And so an innocent is accused. And maybe even pays the price for another person's sin. Life is unfair isn't it? All due to the power of memory and stupidity. Two things I have oodles of, bouncing around my head like so many soccer balls.
It is funny. I have been looking around at the new blogs. Ones I have never seen before. The new people with new stories and backstories. A few of my old "friends" remain. Good old Nick, Haku-chan, Konaa... I remember a time when there were all sorts of Goody Two-Shoes running around trying to stay alive. Most had to morally difficult situations, and most had to face the harsh realities of life. The sadist in my loves this stuff. The selfish sadist in me is sad. Do you know why?
I remember when Haku-chan tried to... Help me. I suppose I appreciated it internally. I was not allowed to show it though. Had to keep barking. WOOF. WOOF. WOOF. DEATH. DESTRUCTION. CARNAGE. DESPAIR. CHAOS. BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOODBLOODBLOODBLOOD... And so on. I would often leave little hints only I would get, and see if anyone else could understand them. They never did. I mean. I left one two paragraphs up. Soccer Ball. Why did I pick Soccer Ball? I had a reason. I may not talk like a pompous flowery git all of the time like some OTHERS, but I do occasionally indulge in symbolism. Symbolism that only I understand.
Oh but I know... I know... My adoring fans. I know what it is you are here for. The sick pleasure you gain from hearing about my fun. Don't deny it. You find it amusing. You laugh. You find me adorable in ways. My incompetence and inability to kill off the great HEROES like Sage and Elaine. You know I am not a threat to anyone that MATTERS, right? All those individuals I did manage to kill... They were just names weren't they? Not people. They didn't have any thoughts, any dreams, desires... They just existed for me to run over in a Killdozer or... Drop a safe on their heads. Right? They exist to be slaughtered for your entertainment, and you know I am all too happy to oblige. But OF COURSE, you need not worry about me killing your big HERO. Morningstar couldn't even kill off DANTE. Conveniently ignoring the times I massacred individuals who are every bit as competent and well trained as Lainey was. So how did Elaine and Nick and Valerie and Michelle escape AND defeat me? I do not know. Luck maybe?
What am I saying. Why am I asking it. Why am I talking like this. I do not know. Blogs are a release, right? You are supposed to post your feelings and thoughts here. And I am doing so.
Probably going to deal with the recruitment crap later this week or early next. I am not looking forward to the next batch of people they send me. I feel so depressed. You would think I would be happier having come back to life, but no. I just can't shake the feeling of unease and unhappiness. Any advice would be welcome. I might even give you quick deaths if you give good advice. Haha. Ha.
Happiness is about pursing the things your passionate about. I kill people. Not because I enjoy it but because it is all I can do to serve the Master. And I'm passionate about serving him.
ReplyDeleteI'd also like to request a slow death. Make it beautiful.
You put an awful lot of expectation in the mental stability of someone who was dead a couple of weeks ago. You will find your pace, darling. Just give yourself time to adjust. Pompous flowery git, though I may be, my room IS right through the wall.
ReplyDeleteHear my fist knock? Amazing, isn't it?
I'll be on the roof, if you care to join me.
Is it maybe that you don't like being someone's bitch, even if that someone is responsible for bringing you back to life and could kill you just as easily? The feeling that your life isn't your own, made worse by that ring?
ReplyDeleteI'd say get a hobby but I don't know how well that'd go over with you. Try then, Commodore, to prove to yourself that you have a purpose for being back that's your own, not someone else's.
See, when you mentioned flowery prose, I was almost concerned you were speaking of myself. Nightscream, however, wins the "pretentious pompous git" award when it comes to writing, if you're asking for my opinion.
ReplyDelete... but as for the rest of this... I mean, bloody fucking hell, you're not alone. I wouldn't attribute the uneasiness to... what has happened, but rather the general climate created by certain recent developments....
The best thing I can manage to offer you is the only thing I currently possess; this damned Cafe and all that goes with it; a place to stay, if need be. Nobody knows what's going to happen, Star. The best we can all do is tie down and hope the coming storm isn't as bad as we expect it to be...
They had better send you some decent people, sempai :((((((
ReplyDeleteBut advice? Um...well, I know it's not much but you could always try secretly testing them? Like instead of deliberate tests like last time you could work the tests into your interactions with them so that it's more natural? ^^;;
Anyway, I really wish I could be there, sempai. Gomen nasai :( If I was one of your recruits I'd do super sugoi on all the tests for you! ^_^
I am probably just going to hold auditions. "Whats your name. Whats your Gimmick" sort of thing.
DeleteStabbing people makes me happy. If you like stabbing I suggest you do more of it. C: I'm happy with my brother. We have a lot of fun times. Maybe YOU need a brother! >3>
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean when Ryuu helped you? Didn't Elaine do far more? Or have you been brainwashed into not believing that what she did was help?
ReplyDelete