Sunday, May 27, 2012

Superior Warriors Require Superior Opponents

I was splattered in the blood of a child who had been attacking me with a hatchet. I had removed his head with his own weapon while exclaiming about the crane's wing cutting across the mountain breeze. I then pressed forward toward the mother, who was armed with a shotgun, who I slew with the application of a Hung Gar technique known as "Tiger Rips Out the Throat". It was then that I faced the patriarch, who did battle against me using a chainsaw in one hand and a blow-up sex doll in the other. I cracked his skull with my leopard hand, and then performed Tiger rips out the throat on him as well. I made a comment about how "Bored Tiger is Bored as he Boredly Rips Out Your Blatantly Mundane Throat."

All in all, a routine assignment.

I took a moment to meditate upon the nature of the universe. I chose to take this moment to close my eyes and eat a single raisin over a period of one half-hour. This is important. I have eliminated ego from my technique. As difficult as that may be to believe, part of this involves the simple contemplation and appreciation of a small thing for a long period of time.

I am beyond regret. I feel the nature of the universe in this moment as I appreciate this single raisin. I know my place in it, and how little "I" matters. "I" has nothing to do with it, and the representation of our wholeness in the universe, our Leader...runs through my mind.

When I was done, I knew what I have known for some time: I need stronger opponents if I wish to become stronger as a warrior. I cannot have been brought back from the grasp of death by our Glorious Leader, just to kill such ants.

I will train harder. Then, perhaps, I will be given the challenge of a stronger opponent.


  1. Another soul bound for Valhalla.

  2. Congratulations buddy, you may have managed the one thing that Joseph can't: saying jack shit in... what... three hundred words? This needs applause or something.