Friday, June 1, 2012

The Joy of Random Murder

I finally got a day off from the more boring parts of Proxydom. Wanna guess what I did during my day off? Do ya? Do ya huh? Come on Guess. It should be obvious...


Naturally the cookies are laced with a little present that makes me feel SUCH warm fuzzies inside to think about. I might stop back by in a couple days and... See how they are doing. Should be a lot of fun. Maybe I should take pictures, video... Preserve it for all time and future viewings so I can recapture these feelings at any time. Ah...

I also pulled a guy into an alley and disemboweled him. Lot of fun, and if the organs are preserved right, we now have decorations for Christmas this year. Not to mention what a FINE steak he will make. Meat looked so tender. Not too tough and not much fat either. I have personally found though that college age caucasian women that are around... Oh... 160 lbs or so, taste the best. Something about the flesh just tastes so much more... Pleasant. 

Father's Whispers have finally begun coming back. I have not heard his voice since immediately after I reawakened. I assume something about Redlight's resurrection thingy must have caused some disconnection there. I feel much better now though. Less lonely you know? It is comforting to hear his music echoing through my head.

Might as well mention a few things we have going on. First we will start with the new Team's Missions.

Gleeman, the loveable tubby bastard, is leading the section of my team devoted to the location and destruction of Moriarty Agents. Joining him are Jack the Ripper, Cloak, Mumbles and Montag. Funny thing about Mumbles though. He does not talk AT ALL. By choice clearly, but I even tried jumping out and scaring him to try and get a scream or yelp. Nothing. Not even a flinch. He seems like a goddamn robot. Oh well. Once we inevitably come across my darling Sagey again, Mumbles will ensure our swift victory. I think I'm going to send Forgie a card though. I know I missed the anniversary of his house being torched, but it's the thought that counts right? Wait I am getting sidetracked... Right. So. They are the ones who are going to hunt down any Moriarty Connections. We are putting SPECIAL emphasis on locating "Trips" or perhaps "Tripses Family." Or anything to do with him really. Ex-Military? Ex-PTC? Ex-Cop? He is probably something, but if not... It's only a matter of time. He killed one of Screamer's friends, so I am going to kill his family and eat him alive. Well... Maybe I will cook him a bit first. Start with the Fingers, move on to an arm or a leg... But I digress.

Caesar (Pronounced "Kai Zar" evidentally, as he threw a harpoon at my head and demanded his action figures execute me when I said it as "See Ser") is leading the Anti-Runner section of the Team. Consisting of Pacemaker, Blood Harvest, The Plumber, Mordred and Yellowbeard. In fact, they are all away currently on a mission right now! I will have one of them post it tomorrow or something.

Lastly, we have Crouching Tiger, Brown Recluse, Fairy and Scrambler on our... Anti-Cult watch. Not going to lie guys. Our organization has a LOT of enemies. I am sure most of you read up on Screamer's little adventure with the Oathbreakers. The Plague Doctor's Cultists. Now thanks to that offensive, we have knocked them off balance, but nature abhors a vacuum, so we also have to watch out for the Children of the Cold and the Dolls... Er... Whatever the fuck they are called. The Wooden Bitch's Cult. I knew of some guys that pitted the Dolls up against the Maenads and caused them to wipe each other out. Tons of fun. One of those guys reminds me of me in a lot of ways. Except I dress better. There is nothing more stylish than a Fedora. NOTHING. 

So Yeah. Everyone is nice and busy... Nightscream is in and out, doing shit I am not allowed to talk about. And I had a wonderfully relaxing day. Back to work tomorrow though...  Probably need to take more time out to write these posts do I not? Hmm.

Fuck it, I still have some time. TIME TO PULL ANOTHER PEDESTRIAN OFF THE STREET! I am hungry.


  1. Mighty fine hat, neighbour. Think I'll put a hole through it some time. Could always accessorize it with another one in your head.

    1. On that note, would you be so kind as to tell me what your diet usually consists of? It affects your taste, you see. Some foods make you taste sweeter or... More bitter. I really would like to know before hand, if you would be so kind.

  2. Anti-cult watch? Ballsy. That gig with the oathbreakers just about killed Nightscream.

    1. Goosey, I am insulted you think we cannot handle this. Besides, we are Anti-Cult not Anti-Fear. The Main tactic when a Fear is around is to run the fuck away and dump salt around the doors and windows of wherever we sleep for a few days. Unless it is that liquid shit, in which case we simply call in a removal team and they drain the fucking pond the thing is in. Incidentally, we just got a shipment of Apocalypse Syringe-knock offs filled with that Ichor. Meant to be used as a punishment or something. Maybe you should order some.

    2. I've got plenty of faith in you and your teams violent costumed clowns. I'm just saying that's a rough gig.

      I'll pass on the opportunity mainline Ichor, that sounds like a terrible way to die.

  3. This had been bugging me for days-- out of morbid curiosity from the above, do you prefer to eat sweet people? or bitter people?

    1. Sweet People taste better. Bitter People... Eh... Something unpleasant in the meat. Usually fixed with enough BBQ Sauce, and cooking it just enough to make it all Tender. This body is not really used to Human Flesh though, so I can't eat much of it at once.