Monday, June 11, 2012

Paperwork needs to die

Good fuckinng GOD."Morningstar, go kill this runner." "Morningstar, go fill out this paperwork." "Morningstar, go blow up this believed Moriarty Base." "Morningstar go assassinate this traitor." "Morningstar, go pick up my groceries from the store." AAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHH...

I am overworked and under appreciated. Truly. If it were not for the wonderful toys I get, I would probably just ignore the chain of command like those other guys and just... Kill things. But somedays it really feels like the toys are not worth it. Jesus. I am everyone's errand boy. I could not even participate in the last murder because I was too busy taking FUCKING notes.

Our previous murder was to test out Caesar's group in stealth/infiltration operations. Blood Harvest should probably keep wearing the mask though. Pacemaker refused to change his hairstyle, so points off for that. Other than that, everyone ended up looking almost respectable for our infiltration into... A THEATER. Case codename forty-seven. Though I prefer Operation: Silent Assassin. We had two targets in the theater: A performer and one of the guys in the booths above. Performer was a Runner for certain. He had that nervousness about him.... You could almost SMELL the fear and paranoia... Eyes darting to every shadow, to every face in the crowd looking for the one that is not there. The other guy was a bit of a mystery though. He did not seem very scared, but he did have some security. His dossier was oddly empty.

So, given the performer's role in the play, we decided to do the hilarious (and obvious) trick of switching the prop gun with a real one and letting one of the actors do the work for us. For the Balcony guy... Well, we spotted this BIG ASS chandelier over where he MUST walk if he wants to leave. So naturally we put a small plastic explosive on the Chandelier that would make it fall. Oh Yeah. We moved up from Dynamite. So anyway, I had the detonator and... Well this went surprisingly well on my end. The guy was shot in the fucking head, and the chandelier fell on top of the Balcony guy and his security. So we got the hell out. 

Now, sadly, I cannot really call this a "Silent" Assassination due to the fucking bloodbath backstage because of random people getting in the way. One guy got his throat cut open, which is fine. The guy who had his skull smashed open on a toilet I am NOT OK with. This is not silent assassination, this is sloppy murder. Shitty murder. HAHAHAHA Pun. My worst one yet, YES. Another wonderful example of sloppy is using a fire extinguisher to bash someones skull in. I do approve of using his body as bait for another guy who was then stabbed multiple times in the throat and back by Caesar. Pacemaker is the only one with any sense if you ask me. He is the only one who advocated KNOCKING THE PEOPLE OUT as opposed to straight up leaving a bloody trail to follow. Oh well. At least it was professional. I am happy that we work in teams now, you know? A single person would NEVER have been able to pull that off. I do not care who it is.

Nevertheless, we went home, got our blood money for the contracts and I suspect they blew all the money in a matter of hours. Saw the actor's wife and kids on the TV. It was kind of hilarious really. They told the TV crew that they want the killer to beg for absolution, forgiveness, yadda yadda from God for our foul deed and that God would judge us when our time comes etc etc. Been there done that. I think I might pay them a visit in my off time and show them the wrath of the one true God. Hmmm. Maybe I should start collecting things from victims... Their Skulls? Or something. Hmmm... We'll see I suppose.

8 comments:

  1. Collect their hats. it's a personal touch and you'll get some variety, unlike in skulls.

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  2. Well if you can't make it look like an accident, there's no point in not having some fun with it.

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  3. I like collecting journals. Good reads and some actually have something interesting. Not really scary though.

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  4. YOU GODDAMN PUPPET, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE FUCKING DOING BACK WITH THE PROXIES AFTER ALL THAT YOU HAVE FUCKING BEEN THROUGH!?!?!
    DO YOU NOT REMEMBER WHAT ELAINE AND REAL SPENCER DID FOR YOU? AT ALL? I SWEAR TO GOD WE WILL HANG REDLIGHT FROM YOUR GODDAMN ORGANS.

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    Replies
    1. Whoa, Whoa, Whoa buddy slow down, slow down. Do I know you from somewhere? Probably killed your family or something. Always the case with you ranting psychos on my blog. God. So, why am I back with the Proxies? Because it is fun.
      Do I remember what Elaine and Spencer did? Not really, but I read about it. It was unimpressive.
      And no, I sincerely doubt you can even kill ME let alone Redlight.
      ... You are not with Moriarty are you?

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    2. You killed my brother and parents. Actually. But that is irrelevant at the moment PUPPETSTAR, and not even the reason I am so very, very pissed off. Christ you are a fucking moron. Weak willed. And slightly less comedically gifted than Carlos Mencia.
      No. I am not with fucking Moriarty, though it is VERY tempting to try and get into contact with him. Them. Whatever.
      I am not even going to waste anymore energy on you. WHEN WE MEET, YOU WILL SUFFER. Mark my words.

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    3. Oh. My condolences about the family, jackass, I hope they suffered. Did I eat them? Was there any bits or pieces missing? I hope so.
      Awww. Drat. That means you are even more useless than I hoped.
      Fine, fine. Go. Leave me alone. I didn't want to banter anyway... I miss Sagey's Comments. I feel so alone.

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  5. Ah yes, paperwork, the root and bane of any good information system. I'm pretty sure the amount they have us do is actually counterproductive, but honestly, I don't really mind writing out my seven page reports for them to read. I make sure they're extra long and wordy, too, if I have to waste my time writing reports on every little thing I learn and do, they're going to have to wade through six pages of bullshit for every page of useful information they get. Just my small way of saying "fuck you" to the guys upstairs.

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